Hi, I’m Anja and I don’t like being touched. Here’s what it’s like being me.
High school was a bit awkward
I went to a really huggy high school. It was a trying time for me, but I survived.
Varsity was a bit awkward
Then I went to varsity and I was introduced to the hugkiss.
Oh dear Lord. The hugkiss.
I have so many embarrassing memories of accidentally head butting people because they went in for a cheek kiss, while I went in for a hug.
I also basically transformed into an owl because of the cheek kiss.
Life is a bit awkward
I’m a horror to console
What’s your first instinct when someone is crying? To give them a hug.
Except, I don’t like hugs. So what do you do with someone like me? WHAT DO YOU DO?
Flashback to that time I was crying hysterically about my camera being stolen at a night club, and my friend didn’t know how to comfort me, so all she said was: “Toemaar wat Anja, ten minste is jou hare baie mooi.”
And I’m even worse at consoling other people
I see you’re sad, so here’s an awkward pat on the back and an inappropriate joke because I don’t really know what else to do.
Massages stress me out
This has made me an outcast my whole adult life, but…
I CAN’T STAND MASSAGES. I can’t.
I went for one on my 22nd birthday, and I felt so violated afterwards that I had myself a lekker birthday cry in my car on the way home.
I find PDA really rude
And my boyfriend is always really shocked when I want PDA
Me: *Reaches for his hand*
I can’t watch romantic movies
IS IT A PIZZA?
PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A POLTERGEIST.
I show affection in other ways
You won’t get hugs all the time, but you will get a tag in a Mean Girls meme on Facebook saying: “This made me think of you.”
And despite all of this, I will ALWAYS have your back
Loyalty isn’t measured in affection. I’ll have your back until the very end. I just don’t want to hug it all the time.