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17 Jun

How to pine after a crush: A pictorial by Anja van der Spuy

Okay so you’re chilling at home, watching Youtube videos and checking tweets when suddenly you think:

Hey, I wonder what my crush is up to?

So you head over to Facebook and check out his profile.

Then you get really sad, because WHY IS HE SUCH A BABE?

And then the pining starts.

Step 1 -Take off all your jewellery

Step 2 – Tie your hair back, because nothing says “fuck you, I’m sad” like a Britney Spears bun

Step 3 – Put on your jammies – preferably ones that smell like R Kelly’s sheets

Step 4 – Pour a glass of wine

Step 5 – Keep stalking his profile. Wait, is that a girl in his profile picture?!

Step 6 – DRINK

Step 7 – Ugly cry

Step 8 – Get into bed and pillow cry

Step 9 – Google someone who is an even hotter mess than you

Step 10 – Feel a bit better about yourself

Step 11 – Raid the fridge for comfort food

Step 12 – Cry some more

Step 13 – Google another guy you have a crush on

Step 14 – Find out that he has a wife

Step 15 – Freak out

Step 16 – Rather Google a girl crush

Step 17 – Realise that she also has a boyfriend – cry some more

Step 18 – Drink a shitload of wine

Step 19 – Get white girl wasted

Step 20 – Pass out



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