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Me: Did you forget our anniversary is next week? JP: No, I remembered last week and then forgot this week.

About 2 hours ago from Anja van der Spuy's Twitter

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24 Apr

An open letter to Avril Lavigne

Dear Avril Lavigne,

Firstly, may I kindly request that you wipe that drunk panda eyeliner off your face so that you can read my letter properly?

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Thanks.

Let’s move on.

Oh, dearest Avril Lavigne. What happened to the girl who never wore a cover-up, always beat the boys up and grew up in a five thousand population town? You made money by cuttin’ grass, got fired by fried chicken ass. All in a small town, Napanee.

We all seriously miss her. She was a total badass who didn’t give a shit about wearing dresses and fitting in. Her songs had depth to it and sometimes even moral lessons.

I have a theory that everything went wrong the day you dyed your hair blonde. Is it possible that the chemicals bleached your creativity too?

Judging by your recent music videos, I’d say yes.


Napanee isn’t small enough for you to be racist.

“Oh look my new Sony phone is ringing.” Is it your integrity calling to find out where you are?

Literally the most generic bullshit song in the world.

HOLY SHIT A SINGING POODLE!

Should I lay the blame in front of Derek Whibley’s door? Lord knows he looks worse than you these days.

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Or is it Chad Kroeger’s fault? Did his kakness rub off on you?

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Whatever the reason is, it’s not too late to save your career. You can start by burning your eyeliner and Nickelback’s studio.

We miss you so much, young Avril! You taught us how to straighten our hair and wear Converse. I mean, you even created the ULTIMATE sad white girl song.

Please cut the crap and come back to us!

It’s not that Complicated, you’re not Losing You’re Grip because you’re Nobody’s Fool.

Love,

13-year-old Anja and 23-year-old Anja

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Anja Wintour

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Hello! Thanks for checking my blog out - I like you already! If you want to suggest a topic, please drop me a mail on [email protected] Email address is PR-friendly too! Love, Anja

3 Comments
  • Nomali

    A few weeks ago I realised that “keep holding on£ was one of the first messages of solidarity I internalised. I have not clicked on any of the videos because I sort of want to keep that part of my childhood in tact.

    April 25, 2014 at 10:24 am Reply
  • Salama Bhana

    Hi Anja,

    These letters have inspired me to write on to Justin Timberlake. I have issues with him so I will be posting one on my blog soon. Thank you for the inspiration.

    Also, I forward your posts to my colleagues on a weekly basis. They all think you’re hilarious and gorgeous.

    Your blog is my happy space. I love it!

    oh and this letter to avril is a winner – but all your ish is!! 🙂

    May 19, 2014 at 8:29 am Reply
  • thommy

    yes, of course something went off, because today’s avril is not avril …
    you can see it, you can hear it, and i don’t know if you can, but when listening to her music from the beginning, i feel that this “new avril” is the exact thing, avril would always have avoided.
    to me it’s very obvious and even you’re letter strenghtens my beliefs in it.

    my two cents.

    August 24, 2017 at 11:16 pm Reply

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