Instagram Feed

Something is wrong.
Instagram token error.

Follow me on Twitter

To top
12 Sep

How to deal with a loud upstairs neighbour

 You get home from a long day of work, put on your comfiest (and ugliest) pyjamas, get into bed and doze off…

*DOOF DOOF DOOF*

*SOUND OF CHAIR SCRAPING ACROSS THE FLOOR*

*DOOF DOOF DOOF*

*SOUND OF MARBLE ROLLING*

*DOOF DOOF DOOF*

*SOUND OF CHAINSAW*

If you’ve ever lived in a complex, and not had the privilege to live on the top floor, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. Having an upstairs neighbour tests your patience and sanity like nothing else. My upstairs neighbour is pretty considerate 90% of the time, but that 10% that he spends walking around like a T-Rex after 24:00 makes me INSANE.

I’ve had a lot of time to plot revenge, and because I believe in sharing, I’ve decided to create a free guide for all of you. Check it out below.

[divider type=”thick” spacing=”10″]

How To Passive Aggressively Let Your Neighbour Know That They’re Loud As Fuck

A free guide by Anja van der Spuy

[divider type=”thick” spacing=”10″]

1. Choose a new ringtone at 24:00 at night

Hmm, should I go for ‘The Buffoon’, “City Bird” or “Hurdy Gurdy”?

LET ME PLAY ALL THESE RINGTONES OVER AND OVER UNTIL I AM COMPLETELY SATISFIED.

Wait, now that I have a new ringtone, I should probably choose a new message tone too…

2. Watch Two Broke Girls

You only have to play two seconds of that show for your neighbour to lose their mind and move to a new complex.

www.tumblr.com

www.tumblr.com

3. Blowdry your hair at 1am

Sorry, neighbour. I had a very busy day and I could only shower at 1am.

JOKES.

I totally went to bed at 23:00 and set my alarm for 1am just to mess with you.

www.youtube.com

www.youtube.com

4. Make Magneto boots and walk on the ceiling

Don’t forget to move a chair from the one side of your flat all the way to the other side for no fucking reason.

5. Open all your windows and have a loud cry

I AM SO SAD BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME AND EVERYTHING IS JUST SHIT

Haha, not really. I actually just read the Wikipedia synopsis of Hachikō.

community.usvsth3m.com

community.usvsth3m.com

6. Do the ‘The Grudge’ sound at random times during the night

That’s right, this building is haunted. Now you only have one of two choices:

  1. Move
  2. Die

Bye.

edens6thday.tumblr.com

edens6thday.tumblr.com

7. Buy a karaoke machine

I WOOOOULD DO ANNNNYYYYTHIIIING FOR LOOOOOOOOOVE!!!!!

www.animalstown.com

www.animalstown.com

8. Talk to yourself

Me: What is that sound upstairs?

Me: I don’t know, but it sure sounds like a giant!

Me: Hahaha, oh you! Giants don’t exist!

*Laugh in different voices*

28ad3-tumblr_inline_nuh6jf6c2r1tpiwk1_500

If none of these tricks work, you could just go to their door with a cupcake and politely ask them to please not walk like a T-Rex when you’re trying to sleep. But who would go to such extreme lengths?

4 Comments
  • Liné Waterson

    My upstairs neighbors must be very clumsy since something is always falling – every.single.night. If it’s not a knife, it’s a pot. In their defense, these walls (and floors) aren’t very thick, sometimes I can even hear their dishwater running!

    September 14, 2015 at 11:52 am Reply
  • lulu

    lol Unfortunately for the downstairs folk, we live upstairs. We do try to be considerate and don’t drag furniture after 24:00, but there are times when moving furniture/walking around/talking/breathing is unavoidable and we fear the wrath from downstairs. (can almost feel the hate through our floors) You guys are lucky in that way, you can move your furniture around freely without worrying about your neighbors pitching up at your door with a cupcake 😛 (which has happened to us btw….only without a cupcake. and no politeness.)

    September 14, 2015 at 12:21 pm Reply
  • Gaynor

    We lived in a flat for three years before deciding that enough was enough. Moving furniture, extremely loud music, battery operated cars and planes – you name it! Even had to call the cops on our neighbour quite a few times!

    September 16, 2015 at 9:22 pm Reply
  • Luzani Mothobi

    *evil laugh*

    September 17, 2015 at 10:08 pm Reply

Leave a reply