A while ago I wrote about what it’s like being harassed and catcalled by siff men while walking in town.
I’ve tried every approach to getting men like this off my case: Pretending to be married, ignoring them or just the good ol’ “Fuck off”. None of these seem to have any impact whatsoever.
So I’ve come up with a more powerful strategy.
When a guy asks you, “Why are you not smiling?” say:
1. Because Heath Ledger is dead
If you can manage a few tears while saying this – EVEN BETTER.
Hopefully he doesn’t know who Heath Ledger is.
2. Because you smell
That’s right, I’m childish like that. Tit for tat, you shit.
When a guy catcalls you, do one of the following:
1. Shout the exact same thing back to him
But like, super dramatically. If he shouts, “Hey bokkie!” shout it back at him with the most manic look you can muster.
What can he say back to that? Fokkol, that’s what.
2. Point to the guy nearest to you and give the catcaller a thumbs up
Oh, mister catcaller – you have excellent taste in men!
When a guy follows you:
1. “Call” someone
And talk about your period, that weird fungus under your foot – anything embarrassing, really.
Pro tip: Make sure your phone is on silent.
2. Rub your stomach and say “We’re almost home, my baby”
When a married guy makes a suggestive comment (Yes, this happens):
Just stare at his ring
Don’t laugh. Don’t respond. Don’t blink. Just stare at his ring until he cringes so hard that he needs to go home to his wife to get Spasmend.
If you’re brave enough to give this a go, please let me know if it works. If you have any other ideas to add to this list, comment below or tweet me – I’d love to hear it.