It’s weird to think that I’ve been on Facebook since 2007. When I first joined Facebook, I was only allowed to check on it once a day because we had a 2GB capped line. That 2GB used to run out so quickly, which used to send my dad into a blind rage.
Fast forward 10 years and nothing has really changed. I’m still running out of 2GB, only this time it’s on my phone because data in South Africa is one of the biggest lies of our time and every service provider is part of the conspiracy.
Years of being on social media – not only Facebook – have shown me that we’re all pretty much the same human online.
Here are some of my observations.
A photo of someone you love, titled: “So much love for this one.”
A photo of a beautiful view, with a really clever title: “Ugh, what a shit view.”
You’re a genius, Carol.
For those of you who don’t know what a sub-tweet is, it’s supposed to be a subtle/subliminal tweet about something or someone you find annoying.
It’s always kak obvious.
Pretending you never sub-tweet
This is possibly my favourite thing to witness on Twitter. When someone sends out a spicy sub-tweet and follows it up with a “This tweet wasn’t aimed at anyone” disclaimer.
Oh? Really? Did that very specific thought just come to you by coincidence and had nothing to do with the very obvious source of it?
The subtle brag
“Hmm. Love my first cup of the day.”
“She caught me off guard lol”
The Vague Facebook Status
“I’ve had such a shit day…”
Does it have anything to do with the fact that you seem to lack the ability to elaborate on anything?
Only I look good on this photo
Everyone else on this photo looks like actual death, but I look nice so IT’S ON INSTAGRAM NOW BITCHES.
The passive aggressive like
This one is just so amazingly effective and works on so many levels. For instance, you can like someone’s sub-tweet about you and they can’t do shit about it. Or if you want to become a permanent resident of Petty Island, you can like that photo of your ex and their new partner.
A ride on the bandwagon
WOW I ONLY KNOW 2% OF THIS TRENDING TOPIC.
The ol’ screenshot
This conversation I am having with my friend on WhatsApp is hilarious. Let me post it on social media for everyone to laugh with us.
Oh wait, it lacks context and no one else find it funny.
Song Lyrics as a selfie caption
Yasss this selfie is ON FIRE. But, how will I post it without looking vain?
“Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful.” – Lana Del Rey
Phew, good save.