Dear Vodacom, First of all: fuck you. A while ago I made the mistake of opening an account with you. Oh excuse me, I mean a while ago I made the mistake of selling my soul to you. I've heard bad things about Vodacom, but I'll just take the leap of faith AND DIE. I opened my account a week before I was supposed to go on holiday to the Karoo. Your staff assured me that my data will be loaded and ready by the time I hit the road. It wasn’t. Before I went to the Karoo I filled out the HUNDRED THOUSAND papers you asked me to, because you know, it’s 1991 and we don’t live in the digital age. SIDE...

Miley Cyrus 7 Skank Street Basic Bitchville 666 Anja van der Spuy 13 Wintour Lane Leopardville 777 Dear Miley, I suppose you are very chuffed with yourself after last night's VMA performance. No publicity is bad publicity, right? Wrong. Your performance is the single most horrifying thing I've ever seen. And that 's saying a lot, because I've watched Idols SA. I know that it must've been hard to grow up with a goat as a dad. But daddy issues don't give you a free pass to touch your mini-Miley in front of millions of people. I'm sure your mom is too busy getting another tramp stamp to give a hoot about your performance, BUT I CARE. You used to be such a lovely girl! What happened? You have a gorgeous fiance, who even stood by...