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19 Feb

Help! I’m an adult!

When I was a kid I used to envy adults. I thought they had the coolest lives with their permed hair and court shoes. I used to promise myself that when I grew up I'd only wear heels, drive a fancy car and eat Froot Loops 24/7. Then I grew up. My dreams of eating Froot Loops were shattered when a bald old dude at Kelloggs decided to pull the plug on it, and I realised that in order to drive a fancy car you have to sell your soul to the devil. I only found out about tax in standard 9, and yet I still didn't realise that it meant that a moerse part of my salary would be taken away to...
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13 Feb

My life in gifs part 2

Sometimes there's no better way to describe my life, than through a gif. So here you go. When I suddenly remember something painfully embarrassing that happened to me. When I find out that my birthday is once again on Easter weekend. When I'm trying to be cool in front of a guy. Trying to get into my skinny jeans in the morning. When someone asks me if I want to langarm. When I wake up 5min before my alarm goes off. When people underestimate me. Everytime I check my data usage. When I think I'm really clever when I subtweet someone. Life vs. Me Everytime I have to buy tampons When I get nervous around a guy and I say anything that pops into my head. When I tweet something particularly bitchy.   When someone does...
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10 Feb

How to get stupidly drunk on Valentine’s Day

I seriously have no time for Valentine's Day. Even when I had a boyfriend I was just like: NOPE. I don't want chocolates, diamonds, cupids or teddy bears. I want burgers and chips and a Mr Price voucher. Because I'm a classy bitch like that. I seriously don't get Valentine's Day - you're supposed to show people you love them everyday. Whatever your feelings about Valentine's Day, here's a fool proof way to have yourself a good time this Friday. Enjoy! 1. Pour yourself a drank 2. Put some lipstick on, because you deserve to look hawt. (Even though you're single as shit) 3. Drink everytime you see a "I don't need a man!" tweet. Cool story, bro. 4. Drink everytime you see a sad Facebook status. 5. Drink...
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10 Feb

Dear young married people

Dear young married people, I'd first like to apologise for any rudeness from unmarried folk. I hope that this letter will put things into perspective for you and make you understand why you've been judged for saying "I do". You're probably familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If not, here's a picture of it.   Just as there's a hierarchy of needs for humans, there's a hierarchy of needs for people in their 20s. You want to: A. Graduate from college B. Get a good job C. Get an apartment, car and other grown up shit D. Find someone to marry/spend your life with E. Get married F. Have kids (this often spills over into your 30s) G. Buy a house (This definitely only happens in your 30s) The thing is, a lot...
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23 Nov

My first (awkward) week at my new job.

I am a firm believer in sharing my life's embarrassment with you, I decided to write about my first week at the new company. Enjoy. Day 1: The introduction. This whole day can be summarised in one (made up) word: DERP On my first day my new manager took me around the office to introduce me to everyone, which resulted in a lot of fake laughing and awkward sweaty handshakes. I probably said, “Nice to meet you!” about a thousand times that day. With the exception of the one time I said, “HICE to meet you.” Day 2: The fridge. My desk is right next to the office fridge, which is usually amazing because it would mean that I don’t have to walk far to stuff my...
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