1. When people make really crude sex jokes in front of me
I often have a really dark mind, and I'm always the first to cave when a "That's what she said" joke presents itself.
But I'm actually a total nun, and my alter-ego, Nunja, dies everytime someone makes vuil sex jokes in front of her.
2. "I'm so fat" comments
I have no words to describe the discomfort I feel when someone who is so obviously overweight says that they're fat in front of a big group of people. When everyone's talking about clothes and things that don't fit them, and one person drops the, "At least you guys can wear that, I'm too fat" - awkward coughs and a lot of blinking...
Winter is coming, and it's causing me a great deal of anxiety. You see, I suffer from chronic Seasonal Affective Disorder, aka SAD.
This past weekend we had our first autumn weather, and instead of enjoying it I was ready to Ingrid Jonker myself. It depressed me so much to see people tweeting about winter.
My biggest problem with winter is that it is neverfuckingending. It always arrives too early and overstays its welcome. If winter could just stay in its allocated 3 months that would be fine, but noooooo it has to be from May to October.
Winter is the only time of the year when Joburg has something better than Cape Town - sunlight and a spring that arrives on the...
I know so many people who claim that they're not morning people, but are super chipper and nice in the morning.
When I say that I'm not a morning person I mean that before 9am I am pretty much plotting everyone's murders.
When I stayed in residence and had to go to breakfast at 6 in the morning, I had to work really hard on myself not show everyone my Vanilla Sky side.
Now I'm taking the train and most mornings all I want to do is listen to music and daydream about my life as a popstar.
But no. Every so often there are people who refuse to leave me be. A while ago someone even flicked their fingers in front of my...
A few weeks ago I received a call from the advertising agency, OwenKessel, saying that one of their clients would like to spoil me on Valentine's Day. They couldn't tell me who, which made the whole thing so much more exciting.
When I received the box I felt that it was really heavy, and just assumed that it was because it contained alcohol. I was right about that, but what I didn't realise is that the gift would be one of the most thoughtful ones I'd ever received.
Tanqueray Gin had put together a box that made me feel like it had come from my best friend, or my parents - that's how personal and thoughtful it was. They'd stalked my tweets, Facebook...
When I was a kid I used to envy adults. I thought they had the coolest lives with their permed hair and court shoes. I used to promise myself that when I grew up I'd only wear heels, drive a fancy car and eat Froot Loops 24/7.
Then I grew up.
My dreams of eating Froot Loops were shattered when a bald old dude at Kelloggs decided to pull the plug on it, and I realised that in order to drive a fancy car you have to sell your soul to the devil.
I only found out about tax in standard 9, and yet I still didn't realise that it meant that a moerse part of my salary would be taken away to...