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12 Apr

Crushcrushcrush

I will be the first to admit that I have a billion crushes. Some of them are animated (Dimitri), others are fictional (John Snow). I also have social media crushes (funny/hot guys I have on Facebook or follow on Twitter). DON’T JUDGE ME. Lastly I have real life crushes. They’re the ones who make me listen to sad white girl music like Christina Perri while stalking the shit out of their Facebook photos. When I talk to them everything that comes out of my mouth sounds like this “JHwrfjswrfjwoeraojfawkfjkjfalwrfja” because they make me so nervous with their HOTNESS. There are a few things that always stand out to me about having a crush. No matter who the guy is, I always do...
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10 Apr

All I want for my birthday is…

So my birthday is tomorrow, and my parents still don't have a gift for me. The reason for this is because every time they ask me what I want for my birthday, I give them answers like this: To relive Lady Gaga’s Cape Town concert A pet leopard A P-GAY An extra middlefinger  John Snow To never attend a meeting again A leopard print car For Groupon to fuck off Patience An attractive morning face A tiara  For every copy of 50 Shades of Grey to be destroyed in a bonfire An invisibility cloak A dishwasher that can unload itself The ability to use a public bathroom Cara Delevinge's eyebrows   For all the Ugg boots in the world to spontenously combust   Smaller feet (that can fit into pointed shoes) Audrey Hepburn's surname The right to bitch klap irritating people This house ...
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2 Apr

“I want to move to Tokyo and be a princess!”

When I was little I was obsessed with the movie Anastasia. For three reasons: a.) Dimitri is was my dream Disney boyfriend b.) Anastasia is a total badass and her nickname is Anja c.) She went through life not knowing that she's a princess, and then one day BAM! She became a Romanov princess. I do realise that none of this really happened, and the poor Romanovs were torn apart by one of the most evil men in history. But I choose to focus on the  20th Century Fox Animation Studios adaptation. Anastasia gave me hope that one day a long lost family member will show up and tell me that I'm a princess. I even practiced wearing a crown and looking like a total grand...
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18 Mar

Characters I’d like to see killed off

Vampire Diaries Elena That's right, choke her. I was overjoyed when she died at the end of season 3. Then she came back as a vampire. FFS. I'd hoped that she would stop being such a nat pantie, but  she even makes being a vampire look like a drag. This is what her script looks like: Stephan: Elena, bla bla bla, love bla bla. Elena: SIGH Damon: Bla bla bla bla Elena: Sigh. Bla bla bla. SIGH. Caroline: Bla bla bla Elena: SIGH SIGH SIGH SIIIIIIGH That's all she does in the show. We should just make a drinking game out of her script - everytime she sighs you should have a shot. You'd be sloshed within 10 minutes. Elena, you are insipid, and I can't wait until someone stakes you. Jeremy and Matt The apple...
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