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Mom's a preschool teacher. When she phones me our convos go like this: “Anja, ek wou –“ “KNIP NET DIE PRENTJIE UIT!” “-hoor hoe dit gaan?”

About 47 minutes ago from Anja van der Spuy's Twitter

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2 Apr

“I want to move to Tokyo and be a princess!”

When I was little I was obsessed with the movie Anastasia. For three reasons: a.) Dimitri is was my dream Disney boyfriend b.) Anastasia is a total badass and her nickname is Anja c.) She went through life not knowing that she's a princess, and then one day BAM! She became a Romanov princess. I do realise that none of this really happened, and the poor Romanovs were torn apart by one of the most evil men in history. But I choose to focus on the  20th Century Fox Animation Studios adaptation. Anastasia gave me hope that one day a long lost family member will show up and tell me that I'm a princess. I even practiced wearing a crown and looking like a total grand...
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18 Mar

Characters I’d like to see killed off

Vampire Diaries Elena That's right, choke her. I was overjoyed when she died at the end of season 3. Then she came back as a vampire. FFS. I'd hoped that she would stop being such a nat pantie, but  she even makes being a vampire look like a drag. This is what her script looks like: Stephan: Elena, bla bla bla, love bla bla. Elena: SIGH Damon: Bla bla bla bla Elena: Sigh. Bla bla bla. SIGH. Caroline: Bla bla bla Elena: SIGH SIGH SIGH SIIIIIIGH That's all she does in the show. We should just make a drinking game out of her script - everytime she sighs you should have a shot. You'd be sloshed within 10 minutes. Elena, you are insipid, and I can't wait until someone stakes you. Jeremy and Matt The apple...
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14 Mar

Don’t mess with meme

I made a meme out of my favourite saying. Things that get my STAMP OF DISAPPROVAL.   People who complain on Facebook about having too much work. To use this feature, you will have to upgrade. "Legen - wait for it - wait for it -" They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I say: Girls who gossip about their friends' weight. When I give someone a gap in traffic and they don't even thank me. Guys who like Owl City. Locnville's existence. "Like, I don't get it - what do you DO on Twitter?" Afrikaans people who speak English to each other. Couples with joint Facebook accounts. People who say "Pinteresting". Guys who are sexist. First of all, fuck you. Secondly: American spelling.  "Anja, have you seen this Harlem Shake -" Fifty Shades of Grey.  "Actually, Bon Iver...
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10 Mar

How to make a sock bun, Anja Wine-tour style

A few of you tweeted me to ask how I managed to make a sockbun.  So I decided to help you guys out by showing you how I did it. I hope this helps. This is what you will need: A sock. (DUH) Make sure it's a relatively skinny sock. It doesn't work with a big sock. For instance it wouldn't work with this GIGANTIC GODZILLA SOCK. Bobby pins and an elastic. Wine. And lots of it. Liquid liner and red lipstick. Step 1: Cut the toe off of the sock to create a tube. Step 2: Drink some wine. You're going to need it. Step 3: Pull your hair back in a ponytail. You can decide how high or low it should be. Just a warning: the lower the bun, the more...
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6 Mar

Anja’s dicktionary

Shnoff: A really disgusting way of eating. (This is the only way I eat when I'm at home.) Vetiket: Fat people etiquette. I’m not going to elaborate on this one – use your imagination. Gay-Okay: When a gay guy gives your outfit the a-okay. This is pretty much the highest form of fashion approval, except for getting approval from the fashion queen herself, Anna Wintour. Think skank: A play on the term "think tank". This is what think skank looks like: Fauxlice: Threatening someone with the police just to scare them, but you actually have no intention of ever calling the cops. Stone: This one time while I was speaking to one of my colleagues, I wanted to ask her about the style and tone of...
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