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Mom's a preschool teacher. When she phones me our convos go like this: “Anja, ek wou –“ “KNIP NET DIE PRENTJIE UIT!” “-hoor hoe dit gaan?”

About 51 minutes ago from Anja van der Spuy's Twitter

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19 Aug

A rant about rubbish Internet slang

This is probably my most ouma rant to date, but I just have to get this off my chest: I have no idea what language we’re speaking on the internet anymore. I go on Instagram and I’m like:

www.tumblr.com

www.tumblr.com

What are these words you’re using, and who decided to put them together to make them a ‘thing’? Seriously? Is there some great Internet god who decides on the next trend?

The first time I saw someone use the word “thirsty” in the Internet context, I genuinely thought they were saying that they’re parched. I saw a caption, “Girls be so thirsty, yo” and I thought, “Uh, yes. I’m always lus for a nice glass of Coke.”

www.buzzfeed.com

www.buzzfeed.com

And what is this “on fleek” business? What the kind of a word is fleek?

I’ve noticed that it always gets used to describe eyebrows. Is it perhaps some kind of onomatopoeia to describe the sound one makes when plucking one’s eyebrows? “Eina fleek!”

wifflegif.com

wifflegif.com

I also want to know how one goes about “throwing shade” and if you need to first perfect it before you can progress to the level of “catching feelings”? I don’t know, hey. I’ve never been very sporty, so all this throwing and catching sounds like a lot of work to me.

And can we just talk about how disturbing it is to call your favourite celebrity “Mom”?

Screen Shot 2015-08-18 at 21.21.50

Nee fok man.

amplifound.com

amplifound.com

The worst is when magazines jump on the kak slang bandwagon by over posting terms like “Shuts down haters”.

Screen Shot 2015-08-18 at 21.27.37

WE GET IT. YOU’RE A COOL MOM. YOU USE SLANG.

www.bustle.com

www.bustle.com

I still want to know who comes up with this shit, because I’m both disgusted and in awe of that person.

gifsgallery.com

gifsgallery.com

Okay, I’ve probably thrown enough shade now. I hope some of you caught feelings and will now cry to your baes about it. Ily YOLO ROFL

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Just a note: I’ve decided to rename the “Red carpet rants” part of my blog just to “Rants”, because I wanted to expand my aggression to other avenues.

Please feel free to tweet me suggestions for future rants. I’m definitely going to do one about upstair neighbours soon.

Anja Wintour

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Hello! Thanks for checking my blog out - I like you already! If you want to suggest a topic, please drop me a mail on [email protected] Email address is PR-friendly too! Love, Anja

8 Comments
  • Lindsay Marysia

    I’d love to read a “rant” on your upstairs neighbours! I’m having a huge problem with the current boarder. When she leaves- yoh, yoh, yoh! I will write a book!

    It’s amazing what you learn from the people who stay with you/ around you because there is no escaping them. Sorry to throw shade there guuurl.

    August 19, 2015 at 8:24 am Reply
  • Keri

    Yes yes YES!!! Had a good lag at this. X

    August 19, 2015 at 8:32 am Reply
  • Nicole Best

    Please PLEASE do an upstairs neighbour one so that I can feel less alone in the world. Ours is a nightmare!

    August 19, 2015 at 10:00 am Reply
  • femmegypsy

    Yes yes! An upstairs neighbor one soon. The lady above us must wear those gigantic heels you *only* see the pole dancers wear in movies and takes a bath EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at 11:30 pm. But, I don’t know what she does in there. She slides up and down repeatedly and the noise is just unbearable.

    August 19, 2015 at 11:13 am Reply
  • MamaZombieZA

    I love this post. My worst is the news website slang thing. Channel24 is the worst. That mom thing is just disturbing!!

    August 20, 2015 at 5:57 am Reply
  • Nwabisa

    Hi Anja,

    After briefly meeting you at the MyCiti bus station a few days ago, I’m even happier to read your blog. You are not at all what I expected. Given your rants, I thought you would be cold as black ice. I was so wrong. Here’s the funny thing, before I finally plucked up the courage to come greet, I stood across the street debating with self if I should come say Hi or not. The last thing I asked myself before crossing the street was: What would Anja do? So I did what I consider an Anja act. Lol. Keep blogging, you the best there is.

    August 20, 2015 at 9:24 am Reply
  • Zoë Backhouse

    I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH 😀

    xoxo

    August 21, 2015 at 1:39 pm Reply

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