This is probably my most ouma rant to date, but I just have to get this off my chest: I have no idea what language we’re speaking on the internet anymore. I go on Instagram and I’m like:
What are these words you’re using, and who decided to put them together to make them a ‘thing’? Seriously? Is there some great Internet god who decides on the next trend?
The first time I saw someone use the word “thirsty” in the Internet context, I genuinely thought they were saying that they’re parched. I saw a caption, “Girls be so thirsty, yo” and I thought, “Uh, yes. I’m always lus for a nice glass of Coke.”
And what is this “on fleek” business? What the kind of a word is fleek?
I’ve noticed that it always gets used to describe eyebrows. Is it perhaps some kind of onomatopoeia to describe the sound one makes when plucking one’s eyebrows? “Eina fleek!”
I also want to know how one goes about “throwing shade” and if you need to first perfect it before you can progress to the level of “catching feelings”? I don’t know, hey. I’ve never been very sporty, so all this throwing and catching sounds like a lot of work to me.
And can we just talk about how disturbing it is to call your favourite celebrity “Mom”?
Nee fok man.
The worst is when magazines jump on the kak slang bandwagon by over posting terms like “Shuts down haters”.
WE GET IT. YOU’RE A COOL MOM. YOU USE SLANG.
I still want to know who comes up with this shit, because I’m both disgusted and in awe of that person.
Okay, I’ve probably thrown enough shade now. I hope some of you caught feelings and will now cry to your baes about it. Ily YOLO ROFL
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Just a note: I’ve decided to rename the “Red carpet rants” part of my blog just to “Rants”, because I wanted to expand my aggression to other avenues.
Please feel free to tweet me suggestions for future rants. I’m definitely going to do one about upstair neighbours soon.