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22 Mar

A rant about motorists

Last year only 10% of my life was spent on the road when I occasionally drove to Paarl to visit my family, or to the Waterfront to do some angry shopping. (If you ever see me there, don’t talk to me or make eye contact, you will die.)

This year I started a new job that requires me to drive a lot more. I drive against traffic most of the time, but the N1 has still unleashed a hell fire in my soul that I needed to release here.

Buckle up, here comes an epic rant.

If your car is expensive you never have to indicate

If your car is expensive, you don’t have to indicate when changing lanes. You don’t even have to make eye-contact with mere mortals, because your first world privilege is like a forcefield that absolves you of any such mundanities.

You abominable twat.

Traffic karma does not exist

I always aim to be a good person – even when I truly don’t feel like it, it’s part of the curse of being too considerate. But you know what? Giving gracious gaps on the N1 doesn’t mean that people will return the favour. There is no such thing as traffic karma.

Neither does any form of gratitude

Oh, and even if you give someone a gap so big it could accommodate Kanye West’s ego, don’t expect a thank you. The N1 is where manners go to DIE.

Safe following distance = perfect distance to cut in

“Hey there cautious driver, I see you are maintaining a safe following distance. Good for you! I have to be in your lane, so do you mi –


People are awful to truck drivers

Look, trucks can be pretty annoying. But it kills me when people drive like lunatics behind them in the slow lane, hooting at them, or refusing to let them change lanes. CALM YOURSELF.

The middle lane = The middle finger lane

Right kids, it’s time for a fun fact! Did you know that you are allowed to do whatever the fuck you want when you drive in the middle lane? Want to drive 60km/h? Sure! How about 140km/h? Also cool! I bet you didn’t read that in your K53 booklet!

Nobody cares about right-of-way

Oh, this lane merges into my lane? So you need me to go into the other lane to give you a gap? WELL TOUGH LUCK, YOU’LL HAVE TO FLY OVER MY CAR.

  • Lauren Snyders

    Anja! (Brümilda van Rensburg) I experience this all the time! I live in the north and use the N1 quite often (Not daily, I will become a crazy woman if I drive to work) and it drives me insane. The worst is the non-indicating and right-of-way (Wrong right-of-way as I call them) folk kill my soul!

    March 22, 2016 at 9:23 am Reply
  • jade

    I still think the n2 is the worst though

    March 22, 2016 at 9:44 pm Reply
  • Nabilah Rahman

    Been wanting to say this for AGES! Let’s not forget about the twats with non CA number plates who believe they own the N1 and are allowed to drive 80km/h in the fast lane and who refuse to move over. They will gladly cause a traffic pile up because of their inconsiderate ways. I use the N1 to get home every day and by the time I’m home I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Dramatic much? Probably. But there are too many assholes who use the N1.

    March 23, 2016 at 8:23 am Reply
  • Grethe

    The N2 between Somerset West and Cape Town is where my hopes and dreams come to die, with the only thing about the airport that makes me happy is that I get to see planes. Otherwise, it’s a bottleneck cesspool of despair and rage.

    People on the N2: “Going to work! Going to work!”
    N2: “LOLNOPE.” *roadworks*

    March 23, 2016 at 9:58 am Reply
  • Karlien Theart

    ALLES van hierdie blog post is net ALLES.

    Middle-finger-lane. Yasss

    April 4, 2016 at 5:30 pm Reply

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