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No one: Cape Town wind: I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?

About 14 minutes ago from Anja van der Spuy's Twitter

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31 Aug

8 Times I Completely Fail At Being a Girl

1. Curling my hair

As mentioned in my recent vlog, I have no clue how to curl my hair with a curling iron or GHD. I have watched many videos where girls made it seem super easy. But, alas, I wasn’t meant for the curling life.

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2. Wearing G-Strings

I only tried it once and it felt like there was something stuck in my bum the whole day.

I would rather have a pantyline than spend the whole day feeling like I have a wedgie.

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3. Talking like a lady

I always try my best to look like a lady, but I can’t be arsed to speak like one.

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4. Finding toilet humour distasteful

This one time I posted a video of an iguana farting in a bath, and I nearly drooled all over my keyboard from laughter.

Nobody else thought it was funny.

About 2 years ago a lady farted during her Idols SA audition. My mom and I were watching it together, and for some reason my mom didn’t hear it. So I replayed it for her (the only time PVR was truly worth it) and we laughed so hard that we CRIED. Like there were actual tears streaming down my face, I think I might even have weed a little… we replayed it about 20 times.

So really guys, I can’t even pretend to not find pooh jokes funny because I DO AND I’M NOT SORRY.

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5. Liking The Note Book

This one year I worked at the Cheese and Wine festival, and I had to serve about 50 cheese platters everyday.

But that doesn’t compare to the amount of cheese in The Notebook.

I watched it once, and I have since called Will Smith up and asked him to neuralyze that shit out of my mind.

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6. Liking 50 Shades of Grey

The best part about 50 Shades of Grey is that it is flammable.

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7. Caring about weddings

I am really, truly happy for married people. Some of my friends recently got married and it was momentous and beautiful.

I’ve just never dreamt about my own wedding, or finding a “trouman”. Even as a child I remember not being phased by it. I was a blommemeisie at a few weddings, and I remember only being interested in wearing a pretty dress and eating free food.

I’ve never dreamt about a wedding, but I have dreamt about fame.

I guess both of them gets you free bling though.

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8. Flirting

When a hot guy makes eye contact with me I look away as quickly as possible and wish I was under an invisibility cloak.

And when I speak to hot guys I usually don’t make any sense.

What I said: “jdiosoedjdkoffo” What I meant: “It’s nice to see you again!”

Please excuse me. I’ve forgotten how to girl.

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3 Comments
  • Sonica

    Ek relate 150% met alles wat jy genoem het!! Altyd gedink dis net ek …

    September 3, 2014 at 8:01 am Reply
    • Karin

      Oops, jammer Sonica! Ek wou nie jou comment dislike nie! Ek wou af-scroll om verder te lees.
      Jislaaik, ek het nou so gelag, toe die iguana poep in die bad, wou my kollega weet wat’s fout? Toe begin ons stories uitdeel van lag-in-die-kerk. Daar lag jy mos ALTYD vir iets wat nie eintlik so snaaks is nie, maar jy kan dit net nie help nie. “So maklik soos poep-in-die-bad.”

      September 3, 2014 at 8:25 am Reply
  • danielle

    I did not hear the fart either. I could not be more disappointed.

    September 3, 2014 at 1:32 pm Reply

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