1. Curling my hair
As mentioned in my recent vlog, I have no clue how to curl my hair with a curling iron or GHD. I have watched many videos where girls made it seem super easy. But, alas, I wasn’t meant for the curling life.
2. Wearing G-Strings
I only tried it once and it felt like there was something stuck in my bum the whole day.
I would rather have a pantyline than spend the whole day feeling like I have a wedgie.
3. Talking like a lady
I always try my best to look like a lady, but I can’t be arsed to speak like one.
4. Finding toilet humour distasteful
This one time I posted a video of an iguana farting in a bath, and I nearly drooled all over my keyboard from laughter.
Nobody else thought it was funny.
About 2 years ago a lady farted during her Idols SA audition. My mom and I were watching it together, and for some reason my mom didn’t hear it. So I replayed it for her (the only time PVR was truly worth it) and we laughed so hard that we CRIED. Like there were actual tears streaming down my face, I think I might even have weed a little… we replayed it about 20 times.
So really guys, I can’t even pretend to not find pooh jokes funny because I DO AND I’M NOT SORRY.
5. Liking The Note Book
This one year I worked at the Cheese and Wine festival, and I had to serve about 50 cheese platters everyday.
But that doesn’t compare to the amount of cheese in The Notebook.
I watched it once, and I have since called Will Smith up and asked him to neuralyze that shit out of my mind.
6. Liking 50 Shades of Grey
The best part about 50 Shades of Grey is that it is flammable.
7. Caring about weddings
I am really, truly happy for married people. Some of my friends recently got married and it was momentous and beautiful.
I’ve just never dreamt about my own wedding, or finding a “trouman”. Even as a child I remember not being phased by it. I was a blommemeisie at a few weddings, and I remember only being interested in wearing a pretty dress and eating free food.
I’ve never dreamt about a wedding, but I have dreamt about fame.
I guess both of them gets you free bling though.
When a hot guy makes eye contact with me I look away as quickly as possible and wish I was under an invisibility cloak.
And when I speak to hot guys I usually don’t make any sense.
What I said: “jdiosoedjdkoffo” What I meant: “It’s nice to see you again!”
Please excuse me. I’ve forgotten how to girl.