There are certain things that I feel really strongly about. So strongly, in fact, that I want to get it printed on a t-shirt.
I really want a t-shirt that says:
1. Blaas jou fokken neus
My idea of Chinese Torture is being put in a room with someone who doesn’t believe in tissues.
I will reveal my country’s biggest secrets in a heartbeat if it means escaping the torment of hearing someone snort and sniff.
2. Cover your cookah
Nee, it is not okay to wear a t-shirt as a dress. It is also not okay to wear tights as pants… WITH A CROP TOP.
And while we’re on this topic. Cape Town, those hideous bum-revealing shirts have got to go too. Bedek jou boude!
3. I’m not sorry
This can be applied to so many things.
Walking down the street with a pizza box and doughnuts. I’M NOT SORRY
Telling you a disgustingly hilarious fart joke. I’M NOT SORRY
Saying no to your party invite. I’M NOT SORRY
4. Tim Noakes se couscous
As ek nog een tweet moet sien oor Tim Noakes en sy blerrie Real Meal Revolution gaan ek KOTS.
The fact that Tim named his book “Real Meal” infuriates me! So if you live in poverty and you can only afford to staple food, you’re not eating “real food”?
Someone once told me that it upsets her when people refer to “junk food”, because if you’re impoverished no food is junk food. I will never forget that.
So you know what, Tim Noakes, kudos for creating a diet that got the rich talking. But don’t you DARE cock your smug eyebrow at the diets of those who don’t see food as a tool to lose weight, but as luxury.
5. No small talk
This will be my go-to shirt when taking public transport, because nothing makes people want to talk about the weather more than going in the same direction as someone else.