I am turning 27 today, so I have decided to tell you 27 things about me. Some of this I may have told you already – forgive my memory. I am an old woman now.

1. I only started liking avo a month ago

I always thought it was just expensive snot.

2. I am an introvert

I wrote about being an INFJ a few years ago. Apparently, one’s personality can actually change as you mature, and it is possible to go from being an extrovert to being an introvert, and vice versa.

I am still 100% an introvert. The only thing that makes me happier than having no plans, is having cancelled plans.

3. I once got a stitch from eating too much pizza

My whole family can testify to this. It happened in 2015 on a cold, wintery evening in July. I had just reached for the 8th slice of pizza from Mamma Roma in Paarl, when I was suddenly struck by a blinding stitch in my side. The kind you can only get from vigorous exercise.

I dropped my pizza, buckled over, clutched my side and cried out: “Eina, eina, eina, eina!!!’ I honestly thought I was dying.

My mom laughed so hard, she actually started to cry.

(No one has ever allowed me to live this down.)

4. I own a Squatty Potty

I have many skills in life, but pooping just isn’t one of them. I am lucky if I poop once a day, and I am extremely lucky if it doesn’t take at least 25min. When JP and I first started dating – my constipation was even worse, because I was physically incapable of pooping at his house. There was no way for me to quickly drop the kids off at school without him noticing. When it takes you half an hour to poop – people notice. Worst yet, the guy you are dating will 100% notice if you disappear at his house.

When we moved in together, I tried to save face initially. But I gave up very quickly and just owned it. It has now turned into bonding time for us. I will sit on the loo while we talk about our day and things that happened at the office.

Anyway, back to my Squatty Potty. My family finds poo humour hilarious, and I was delighted to find that JP’s family is exactly the same. So, on my 26th birthday, I unwrapped a beautifully wrapped gift, to reveal a Squatty Potty. From JP’s mom and dad.

5. I still mix words up all the time

I once referred to “digested” traffic, and the other day I proudly announced to a waiter that I love how they’d decomposed my meal.

6. The first CD I ever bought was Baby One More Time

And I have no regrets.

7. We have a whole room just for my clothes

JP hates the sound of my blowdryer and that it wakes him up in the mornings. When we moved into our own apartment, it was promptly decided that the spare room will be my vanity room just so that he can sleep in.

Obviously, I am not complaining.

8. I have trypophobia 

I don’t want to talk about it. Google it.

9. I have never played Candy Crush

My dad, on the other hand, created a fake Facebook profile just to feed his addiction.

10. I always have to use a calculator when the bill comes at restaurants

I studied copywriting, okay.

11. I think I might be slightly obsessed with America

Everyone seems to hate America, except me. I want our next trip to the States to be LA, San Fran and Las Vegas.

12. I only found out a month ago that “soup it up” doesn’t mean making actual soup

I really don’t like soup, and I just don’t find it filling at all. So whenever JP asked me if he could soup up leftovers for me, I would get so cross because he knows how I feel about soup.

It took me two and a half years of dating him to finally click what he means.

It changed our whole relationship.

Update: After a lot of you mentioned you also don’t know the definition of “souped up”, I found one for you Merriam Webster. Souped-up: Enhanced or increased in appeal, power, performance, or intensity; also : elaborate, embellished

13. I had braces for the greatest part of my teenage years

I went through so much pain when I was younger, I had a retainer for 3 years and then I had braces for another 2 years. My teeth still went back to their old skew state, which I have decided to just own for now. One day when I get adult braces, I’ll wear them like a Chanel bag.

14. I can’t burp

Much to the disappointed of my older brother, and now my boyfriend, I sadly can’t burp. This is not because I am too ladylike. (LOL) I have just never, ever been able to belch. I think I’m missing a burp valve.

Where does the gas go though?

15. I am incapable of talking about sex

I just shared an intense story with you about my bowel movements, yet I can’t talk about sex without wanting to die from embarrassment.

16. I still believe my car is going to combust at any stage

Guys, no kidding. Every time I hear or smell something weird around my car, I am 100% convinced that my car will spontaneously combust and kill me. This Jenna Marbles video made me feel so much better about this irrational fear.

17. There is nothing in the ocean I fear more than stingrays

Or as I like to call them: SEA DEVILS.

18. I find WhatsApp incredibly annoying

I would like nothing more than to delete WhatsApp and only be reachable via smoke signals.

19. My star sign is Aries

And that means absolutely nothing.

20. My hair went from blonde to brown with age

I was born with blonde hair, but with age it just got darker and darker. Now it is light brown. I have tried going the natural route, but the darker tones just doesn’t suit me. Thank goodness for highlights. 

21. I don’t want a wedding 

I’ve said this since I was 18, and I still feel the same way 9 years later. I really, really don’t want a wedding. I don’t want to plan one and I don’t want to pay for one.

Instead, I’ll happily have a VERY small, intimate dinner with family, pack my bags and go overseas.

22. I’m an evening snacker

JP calls this “goat mode” and it usually kicks in at about 21:00. Nothing in the house is safe from me then.

Must.

Eat.

Everything.

23. I can never remember to buy tampons

My period is always on time, yet I can never ever remember to plan for it. I always find myself scratching through my handbags and bathroom cabinet to find a rogue tampon.

24. I don’t have a favourite colour

Does black count?

25. I still miss living in Paarl 

My Instagram is basically one big ode to Cape Town, but I love my hometown and I’m grateful that I got to grown up in such a beautiful place.

26. My dream dog is an Italian Greyhound

Yes, Jenna Marbles inspired it.

27. I am 27 today

And I am so grateful to be alive.